Learning@School 07: Thigh chafe, tummy rumble and bladder bloat

“The huge post 60s proliferation of conferences, produced a diversion of professional energy away from study and towards performance, networking, advertisement, cruising, hustling, glad handing, back scratching, chit chat, group think.”   Paglia in Sex, Art and American Culture p 221

I am suffering from chronic "post-conference schmoozing" debilitation brought on by spending last week at the MoE ict_pd cluster school Learning@School 07 Conference.  I have been reading New Zealand edublogger Nix,  Bardwired and Louise’s  conference blog posts but little else …

The Learning@School 07 conference was the stuff “biggest ever brinkmanship claims" teeter on, with over 1000 delegates “performing, networking, advertising, cruising, hustling, glad handing, back scratching, chit chatting, and group thinking” in the new Rotorua Energy Events Centre in the Botanic Gardens.

And finally please remember that we are the first Conference to be held in the new centre. We expect everything to flow smoothly, but if there are some teething problems we hope you will bear with, both us and the Energy Events centre staff as we "run it in"  Email from CORE Ed Conference Organiser

In my conference junkie experience there are only a few things that count as egregious experience for educators playing away from home. According to the complaints log at the front desk, “teething problems” saw hapless conference organisers on the front desk dealing with all three of them.

Thigh Chafe:
According to the complaints log, by the end of day one, over 650 delegates were experiencing serious inner thigh chafe brought on by the challenge of racing between workshop venues dotted randomly across the Rotorua volcanic landscape like 100’s and 1000’s sprinkled over fairy bread. 

The inter workshop 10 to 15 minute rapid paced hikes across the Botanic Gardens to the Millenium Hotel or Rotorua Convention Centre, whilst laden with MoE laptop and conference bag, may have been viewed positively by  the MoE "pro activity anti obesity" lobby but it notably reduced any “bonk a principal” activity on the first evening.  Most registrants hit the soothing effects of the mud baths and spa pools instead.

Tummy Rumble:
Turning on the ovens to heat lunches for over 1000 created a serious” loaves and fishes moment” on day one.  Rather than eating lunch in the trades hall to the seductive crooning of OLE hawkers, conference registrants found themselves plunged into darkness and then evacuated to the car park.

Apart from a testiness that comes from educators denied their slice of asparagus quiche, skewered satay chicken and a long black, most of the complaints logged at the end of day one refer to registrants inability to hear anything in the afternoon workshops - presenters were drowned out by vibrational signals sent by synchronised teacher tummy rumble.  In fact there are claims that these seismic signals triggered the earthquake in Auckland.

Bladder Bloat:
Day two saw conference attendees experience their greatest challenge yet when the Energy Events Centre toilets went out.  As a consequence of Bladder bloat experiences more ICT savvy delegates promptly reorganised their conference programmes using Boolean logic AND NOT, NOT Energy Events Centre.

The plus side of Bladder Bloat for conference organisers was that attendees stopped logging complaints at the front desk about thigh chafe and the limited rations of the day before – fleeing instead  to the other workshop venues where Thomas Crapper’s flush toilets lived up to the promise inherent in their name.

Dealing with teachers is tricky stuff, after all I have it on good authority that New Zealand banks run a special training programme for staff on how to cope with teachers – we are apparently easily generalisable in our complaint behaviours – we are loud, overbearing, usually mistaken and unapologetic in complaint

Don’t know what they were on, but to their credit those "front desk sisters" kept cheerful - they listened with empathy, offered solace and kept smiling throughout.  They were fabulous in adversity

My feedback will suggest that CORE conference organisers pre-empt all of the above next year by seeking sponsorship for the following extras in Learning@School conference loot bags.

Anti thigh chafe e-Educator talcum powder

A Kidscan e-Educator Lunch pack 

Lisa Nowak like e-Educator Nappies